By Rosamond Chan, MC, RCC

“Temporary separation” refers to the period of time where a caregiver is to be absent or unavailable for any duration of time, perhaps due to illness, work, or temporary foster care.

Although children may not act out behaviourally to the separation, there are certainly emotional reactions occurring within the child:

  • Anxiety
  • Fear for personal survival (i.e. can I survive when my caregiver is not there?)
  • Sadness
  • Anger
  • Guilt or shame
  • Depression
  • Loss of self-esteem
  • Impaired ability in creating emotional attachments
  • Diminished developmental energy

Your child may not display all of these reactions, or may not go the extreme into long-lasting effect. However, if their feelings and reactions are not recognized and dealt with, they may turn into long-term vulnerabilities.

What can I do before the separation?
Tell the child in advance so that the subject is properly discussed and the actual separation is anticipated. Address these topics:

  • Where the parent will be?
  • What will be different when the parent is gone? (e.g. who will take care of him?)
  • What will stay the same? (e.g. pictures, favorite toys, safety blanket)
  • How can they keep in contact?
  • When will the parent return?

What can I do to make it easier for my child?
Come up with a system that helps the child keep track of the time:

  • E.g. calendar
  • What will indicate that the parent is returning?

Participate in the child’s life when you are away:

  • E.g. contact with foster home; give them an envelope to keep the work to be shown to the parent

How should I handle the “Good-bye” time?

  • Take care of your own feelings
  • Establish a ritual for yourself and your child (e.g. story book, candle lighting)
  • Accept and acknowledge their feelings
  • Help them to identify and accept their feelings
  • Affirm them of your return
  • Allow the child to bring something with him or her

** The Vancouver Wishing Wells Counselling Service provides counselling support for individuals, couples, children, and families in Greater Vancouver. Our office is located in the Vancouver West Side - Oakridge area, accessible by Canada Line. Our counselling services include Individual & Couple Counselling, Children Counselling / Play Therapy, Parent-Child Relationship / Filial Therapy, Child Behaviour Consultation, and Counselling for Adolescents. Should you need to discuss with one of our therapists for consultation, please Contact Us for more information.
<< Back