By Pablee Wong, MC, RCC, RMFT, RPT-S

Not long ago, an Ontario teenager ran away from home after having a dispute with his parents over the “Xbox” and his online gaming habit. Tragically, after going missing for several weeks he was found dead. One could only imagine how devastating it was for his parents to lose their beloved son. As the police are still trying to piece together the puzzle, perhaps we could take this opportunity to reflect on whether your teenager is struggling with an online gaming habit?

As play therapists, we often encourage and value playing. Playing, after all, is part of growing up; even adults enjoy playing. Playing is a way which children, teenagers or even adults interact, learn, socialize and have fun. Without play, life would be all too boring and serious. Nevertheless, where do we draw the line between casual gaming and addiction?

Signs of Addictive Gaming Habit:

  • Spending hours on computer or online games
  • Exclusion of other sports or social activities
  • Withdrawal from real life hobbies
  • Isolating themselves from friends (except to their online gaming friends)
  • Deterioration in relationships with others
  • Preferring to stay home to play games
  • Negative impact on academic or work performances
  • Preoccupied thoughts and conversation with their favorite game.
  • Change of sleep pattern
  • Weight gain or weight loss
  • Eating meals at the computer
  • Being defensive when being confronted about their gaming habit
  • Lying about their gaming habit to family members
  • Easily agitated or angry when people interact with them while gaming
  • Identifying with and feel closer to their online gaming character
  • Feeling restless or preoccupied while away from their games
  • Spending more and more money on online games
  • Physical signs - Fatigue, Insomnia, Dry eyes, Carpel tunnel injuries

Why is online gaming so attractive or even addictive?

It is important to understand the significant role online gaming plays in adolescents’ lives before we could offer any kind of help. It is crucial for parents and professionals to understand from the teenager’s perspective before we condemn or take any extreme measures. As much as we think that online gaming is merely an escape from reality for teenagers or maybe a road to destruction, it also gives teenagers a sense of belonging, confidence, direction, satisfaction as well as achievement. While adolescence is a time when one is in search of identity and freedom, online gaming has a lot to offer. The interactive feature provides a world of social connections without truly exposing the person controlling the online game character. Hiding behind a character of one’s choice offers a sense of safety without being confronted by one’s failures in life. Or we should put it as simple as this – the online gaming character is their identities and their lives. It is also worth mentioning that sometimes online gaming could be a way for one to cope with an existing mental health concern, such as depression or anxiety.

Let us ask ourselves - What happens if one’s identity is being judged or criticized? What happens if one’s “life” is being threatened?

If we want to offer help to teenagers struggling with online gaming, we should always remember these questions before we take any action. Parents may want to consider avoiding any drastic measures. The Xbox or the Wii is not just a game or another toy. Any action to be taken needs to be carefully considered from the teenager’s perspective. Respect, support and open communication are important. Show interest in the games are playing and their character in their game. Have more conversations with them and try connecting with them. Connecting with your teenager does not mean lecturing or scolding. It means listening and respecting. If the online games could offer your teen a sense of belonging, satisfaction, achievement, respect and pride; these are the things you want to offer your teenager before they can develop the power to conquer their addictive habit. Seeking professional counselling support is also another viable option that you should consider. If you suspect that your teenager is using online gaming to cope with depression or other problems, seeking professional individual or family counselling is highly recommended.

The Vancouver Wishing Wells Counselling Service provides counselling support in the Vancouver area. Our counselling services include Individual Counselling, Couples & Family Counselling, Play Therapy, Filial Therapy, Child Behavior Consultation and Support, and Counselling for Adolescence. Should you need to discuss with one of our therapists for consultation, please Contact Us for more information.

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